He shook his head and turned the screen away. “Would I have to watch then too?” Jane asked. Then we’ll enter the uterus through the cervix and vacuum out the fetus.” “We’ll give you a mild sedative to calm your nerves. No, she thought, she couldn’t bury another child and live. And she knew in some strange and certain way that this little life, left to grow, had both the absolute power to bring her more joy than anything else on this planet, and the absolute power to bring her more pain than she could ever bear. But she could see the flutter of its tiny heartbeat.

Jane gazed at the black-and-white image on the screen, but it looked to her like little more than a clump of cells that she found hard to connect in any way with herself. “And if you look close, you can see the heartbeat already.” “The fetus is thirteen millimeters,” he said, pointing. “It looks like you’re about six or seven weeks.” He turned the monitor to give her a clear view. “Texas law requires me to show this to you,” he said, “but nobody here will tell if you’d rather keep your eyes closed.” The doctor stayed on the other side of Jane’s knees and worked the machine.

Once it was in, the nurse helped guide it. The nurse covered a probe with a condom, applied a coating of gel, and then handed it to Jane. Then she climbed onto the table and lay down with her knees bent as she was instructed. Jane reluctantly undressed and put on the gown. “It has to be a transvaginal sonogram at this stage.” “But don’t you do the ultrasound on my belly?” She gave Jane a gown and asked her to undress from the waist down. Jane said that she would, so he brought her into an exam room where they were joined by the girl who had taken her sample earlier. “Can we do that today, then? The sonogram?” But also the state of Texas requires you to undergo a sonogram and view the image at least twenty-four hours before the procedure.” “We’re not here to talk anyone into or out of anything, Miss McKinney. He nodded gently and talked with a soothing voice. I’m sure and I don’t want to be lectured or talked out of it either.” Have you stopped taking birth control now?” “I understand you’re under stress, but I can confirm that you’re pregnant. You can double up and it should work, right? I shouldn’t be pregnant.” My pharmacy in Seattle had to fax my prescription down. He wrote this in her chart but didn’t say anything. Then he cocked his head slightly and asked, “And you don’t want another?”

Jane's Melody by Ryan Winfield